so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
