I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
