Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
