omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Randomize
