My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
We are all done wearing pants today
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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