I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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