he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
