it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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