Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
