We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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