Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
