I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
