we have officially lost it.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
