Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
