Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize