so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
