Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
