I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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