you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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