i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
It's rum buckets o'clock
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
