Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
