can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
