you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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