Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
