is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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