me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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