I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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