thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
