Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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