Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
We talked him into tasing himself.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
