You're so nebulous sometimes
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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