my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
