there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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