I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
