matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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