I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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