i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He did a backflip because drugs
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
