Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize