just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Randomize
