i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
as a side note pls kill me
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
