hotel room ftw
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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