Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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