It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
