And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
