can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
