apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
