I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
