I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize