THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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