I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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