worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
3 2 1 whiskey
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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