Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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