Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
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