Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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