I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
