Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I would ride that face into the sunset
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
