The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Randomize
