i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm at about main and main street
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
