Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
