Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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