I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
