I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
it's great music for shaving your balls
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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