She's JV to your varsity
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
