Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
