It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
