did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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