Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Randomize
