Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
