I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
