I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
