Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
