Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i think i have herpe
just one?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
