Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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