They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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