his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
