So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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