Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
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