i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Randomize
