Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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