where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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