I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
