i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize