you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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