We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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