I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
