The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
3pm strippers are depressing
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I have feelings that need drinking.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
